Month: July 2008

Jim McDermott Does It Again

Seattle (AP) – Riding the success of his revelations of a cell phone conversation featuring former Speaker of The House, Newt Gingrich, Congressman Jim McDermott (D – Seattle) today made public the transcript of a new cell phone conversation – this one between President George W. Bush and presumed Republican presidential candidate, Senator John McCain (R – Arizona).

Mr. John W. Dean, a ham radio operator in the Washington DC area, recorded the conversation on June 4th by accident. After sitting on the tape for several weeks, debating what to do, Mr. Dean finally decided to approach Mr. McDermott with the tape on July 12th.

In a press conference today, Congressman McDermott stated, “After conferring with my attorney and my friends and my family, I’ve decided to come forward and make a transcript of the call between Mr. Bush and Mr. McCain available to the public.” Mr. McDermott continued, “Privacy concerns aside, I think it’s important that government be as transparent as possible and the public has a right and a duty to know the full story about its leaders.”

According to Mr. McDermott, independent experts have verified the authenticity of the tape.

Initial reaction from the Whitehouse was to deny the existence of the tape, then later, characterizing it as a bad practical joke. But yet later this afternoon, when confronted with certain facts guaranteeing the tape’s authenticity, Whitehouse Spokesperson Dana Perino issued a curt, “No comment,” then moments later stated Mr. Bush would have a formal reply about the tape later tonight.

Despite repeated attempts to contact the McCain campaign, Presidential candidate McCain’s spokesperson was unavailable for comment.

Continue reading “Bush and McCain Cell Phone Conversation Revealed”

Spokane (AP) – At a press conference today, perennial candidate for Washington state Governor, Dino “Italian Stallion” Rossi (pictured at right with his head up his ass, as usual), unveiled his new campaign poster for the 2008 race.

The theme of the campaign is that nasty Seattlites stole the last election, by demanding ballot recounts. The actual text of the new sign, is, “Dino Rossi for Governor – Don’t let Seattle Steal This Election.” Billboards featuring the ads have popped up all over the state – except around the Seattle area, of couse.

When asked about the negative connotations of the new billboards, Rossi said, “I’m just tellin’ it like it is. That bitch stole the last race. I shoulda been Gov, not her.” When asked to amplify what he meant, Rossi continued, “It’s all them Seattle assholes that got her elected and that’s really fucking unfair to the farmers and the good righteous conservatives that make up this great right-wing, Christian state.” He went on to add, “All those gay, Seattle assholes oughta move to Commie-fornia or something and leave us God-fearing Christians alone. I’m gonna smoke that bitch’s ass. Fuck me blue!”

In a prepared statement, Governor Gregoire responded suggesting the public might better be better served by a candidate that didn’t have his head up his ass. She asked that this coming election should focus on today’s important issues like the home mortgage crisis and the price of gas, and that the lame rhetoric from the last campaign be buried and forgotten – which is where it belongs.

In a late breaking development at press time, it’s reported that a large group of several thousand people gathered tonight at Seattle Center and burned a likeness of Dino Rossi in effigy. Reportedly, vendors there were also doing a lansdlide business selling Dino “Italian Stallion” Rossi voodoo dolls as well.

Said Rossi about the voodoo dolls, “Well fuck me blue!”

So the Seattle Supersonics are off to Oklahoma – what a deal. As far as I’m concerned, it’s for the best.

Maybe we can get them to take the Mariners and the Seahawks off our hands as well.

Pro sports teams are just not a big turn on for me. The way I see it, they’re a bunch of whiny millionaires feeding at the public trough.

In the case of the Sonics, we went through all the whining and the threats of leaving only a little over ten years ago. It went on incessantly for months. All the, Nobody loves us! Refurbish our home or we’re taking our team and leaving! Wah! Nobody loves us!

The whining paid off. At that time, Key Arena was fully renovated at a cost to the public of over $74 million. The NBA execs hailed Key Area as one of the great basketball venues in the country.

Now 10 years later, it’s all of a sudden too old, too small and just plain unfit for an NBA franchise. Yeah, right.

Well fuck them. Let them go – they can become the Oklahoma Okies or whatever. Bunch of losers, anyway.

The way it stands right now, Mr. and Mrs. Average Citizen have their budgets stretched to the max. Every month, they wonder if they’re going to be able to make that new, higher mortgage payment. They can just barely afford gas for their cars and to put food on their table, much less buy expensive tickets to a pro basketball game.

Continue reading “Bye Bye Sonics – Good Riddance!”