April Fools day is coming early this year, obviously.

Kill Lawyers
I was watching Meet The Press on NBC this morning.

Tim Russert was interviewing Orin Hatch and Charles Schumer, talking about possible appointments to the Supreme Court.

Everything was going along great, and then Russert asked Hatch about the possibility of “non-judicial” appointments – that is, making an appointment of a person who was not a judge to the court.

Hatch picked it right up. He said something to the effect that the necessity of appointing judges to the judiciary was overblown. All that was necessary, really, was to appoint someone “who knew what was going on,” and that a great deal of such qualified people existed.

“Perhaps even within the Senate?” asked Russert.

Hatch agreed.

Then Russert asked, “Perhaps you? Would you accept if the President offered it?”

All puffed up and looking extremely regal, Hatch shrugged and said something to the effect no one could refuse something like that.

Then they moved on.

Conventional wisdom has shifted, I see. Based on this, apparently all you need to be a Supreme Court Justice is to “know what’s going on.” You don’t need to be a lawyer, much less a judge.

Now that does make sense.

I mean really, when you think about it, why would you want to know about the law, just to be a Justice? Why confuse the issue with facts? Wouldn’t it be much easier to make a good decision with a fresh mind uncluttered with all those stodgy, confusing details – like precedents, case law, legal history, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, all those lawyerly sort of confusing, icky, awful things?

So true!

And aren’t lawyers really to blame for all the ills of our society? Sure they are.
Yup, I’m with Shakespeare: “Let’s kill all the lawyers!” Let’s make it so no lawyer is ever appointed as a judge again!

Hmm… I’m guessing that Hatch was floating a trial balloon for the Bush administration on this issue – seeing what kind of support or opposition for the idea existed.

Well I think it’s a great idea, myself.

Based on that, I’d like to put out my own nominees for Supreme Court Justice:

Tim Eyman – Obviously Tim “knows what’s going on.” A champion of the people (while lining his own pockets), Tim would be great for the job. A consummate liar, he has no judicial knowledge whatsoever, no scruples, no morals, and is basically available to the highest bidder.

Dan Quayle – Who better than the former Vice president to be a Justice? Dan boy was a Senator for years and years, and then VP under the Big Bush. He has an intimate knowledge of Washington, so he must “know what’s going on.” So what if he has an IQ of 46? That’s at least 10 points higher than Dubya, and look how he’s doing! Quayle would be an “everyman’s” Justice. He can probably get someone to check his spelling when he writes all those silly opinions…

Jeb Bush
Jeb Bush – Hey, why not? Dubya’s brother “knows what’s going on” better than almost anyone! Look at what he did on the awful Terri Schiavo case. It was obvious that Terri Schiavo was alive and well and getting ready to make an appearance on Jeopardy when she was ruthlessly killed by her husband. She wasn’t even brain dead! No way. She was just playing possum and Jeb boy knew it! And then look how statesman-like he was when he went to Thailand to help all those poor heathens whose homes were destroyed by the wrath of God (From what he said, if they’d just been smart and accepted Christ as their Savior, the big wave woulda never hit – heathens are such dummies!).
Religious Bigot
Pat Robertson – Now Pat’s been part of the Washington political process for years and years and years. Who better than him would “know what’s going on?” His presence on the Court would be like a breath of fresh air. We could get rid of all those silly things, like Roe v. Wade, Miranda, the Bill of Rights – all that trash. And isn’t it about time we had a state religion? You know, “…One nation, under one God, with liberty and justice for just about everybody…”

George Bush Dada
George Herbert Walker Bush – Dubya? Yeah, sure! He can appoint himself! Who says you can’t serve as President AND Supreme Court Justice at the same time? Think of the money we’d save by combining the positions. And after he changes those silly rules about presidential term limits, he can swear himself in – and like Idi Amin, be President for Life!

Who would you like to see as Justice?